SAN FRANCISCO – The progressive bloc of the board of supervisors announced today they will unite behind Godzilla as their choice to appoint as mayor if incumbent Gavin Newsom is elected lieutenant governor of California in November, as expected.
When Newsom resigns as mayor, the board’s president, David Chiu, will become acting mayor until the board appoints a replacement, who can be any San Franciscan.
The six all-male members of the progressive bloc are a majority of the board’s eleven members and can dictate the appointment if they hang together.
Godzilla emerged as a compromise candidate after the progressive supervisors could not agree on supporting one of themselves.
Chris Daly vetoed the choice of Ross Mirkarimi, as he did when Mirkarimi ran for board president in 2009. “That asshole Ross claimed I was a loud, foul-mouthed bully,” bellowed Daly. “Well, I showed that mother-fucker!”
David Campos vetoed the choice of David Chiu because Chiu was not ideological enough in his speeches, although he followed the progressive line in his voting.
“Rhetorical posturing is 90% of the game here at City Hall, as I myself have demonstrated again and again,” boasted Campos. “Unfortunately, David Chiu lacks my flash.”
They ruled out David Campos, in turn, because of his stand on public safety. Even some progressives question his view that the city should shield young illegal immigrants, who are suspected of committing felonies, from federal laws.
Campos retorted that even suspected felons need hugs. Although all the progressives agreed with him privately, they were afraid to make it the major issue during an election year.
In looking for possibilities outside the board, the progressives floated several names before hitting on Godzilla, but all sank.
Initial enthusiasm for Assembly Member Tom Ammiano waned when it was pointed out that he received only 11% of the vote the last time he ran for mayor.
“Although we care more about ideological conformity than approval by the voters,” said Ross Mirkarimi, “there does have to be some popular support somewhere. Otherwise, we can’t keep up the pretense of being the vanguard of democracy in San Francisco.”
A problem also emerged with the suggestion of Matt Gonzalez. At first, the mention of his name elicited excitement among the progressive supervisors. However, it waned when they realized they were only San Franciscans who had ever heard of him.
Faced with these problems, John Avalos hit upon the winning solution. “What we need is someone who has all the testosterone overload of Chris Daly,” he said, “but better box-office ratings.” It was then that all their minds turned to Godzilla.
They will roll him out to the press later this week, packaged as the latest politician to bear the title of “The Progressive Alternative in This Race.”
When Newsom resigns as mayor, the board’s president, David Chiu, will become acting mayor until the board appoints a replacement, who can be any San Franciscan.
The six all-male members of the progressive bloc are a majority of the board’s eleven members and can dictate the appointment if they hang together.
Godzilla emerged as a compromise candidate after the progressive supervisors could not agree on supporting one of themselves.
Chris Daly vetoed the choice of Ross Mirkarimi, as he did when Mirkarimi ran for board president in 2009. “That asshole Ross claimed I was a loud, foul-mouthed bully,” bellowed Daly. “Well, I showed that mother-fucker!”
David Campos vetoed the choice of David Chiu because Chiu was not ideological enough in his speeches, although he followed the progressive line in his voting.
“Rhetorical posturing is 90% of the game here at City Hall, as I myself have demonstrated again and again,” boasted Campos. “Unfortunately, David Chiu lacks my flash.”
They ruled out David Campos, in turn, because of his stand on public safety. Even some progressives question his view that the city should shield young illegal immigrants, who are suspected of committing felonies, from federal laws.
Campos retorted that even suspected felons need hugs. Although all the progressives agreed with him privately, they were afraid to make it the major issue during an election year.
In looking for possibilities outside the board, the progressives floated several names before hitting on Godzilla, but all sank.
Initial enthusiasm for Assembly Member Tom Ammiano waned when it was pointed out that he received only 11% of the vote the last time he ran for mayor.
“Although we care more about ideological conformity than approval by the voters,” said Ross Mirkarimi, “there does have to be some popular support somewhere. Otherwise, we can’t keep up the pretense of being the vanguard of democracy in San Francisco.”
A problem also emerged with the suggestion of Matt Gonzalez. At first, the mention of his name elicited excitement among the progressive supervisors. However, it waned when they realized they were only San Franciscans who had ever heard of him.
Faced with these problems, John Avalos hit upon the winning solution. “What we need is someone who has all the testosterone overload of Chris Daly,” he said, “but better box-office ratings.” It was then that all their minds turned to Godzilla.
They will roll him out to the press later this week, packaged as the latest politician to bear the title of “The Progressive Alternative in This Race.”
